28 April 2012

Kill the Dog That Ate Your Homework

For all you animal lovers out there, this may be hard to hear. But I just exterminated the dog that ate my homework with extreme prejudice. I'm not kidding. He totally rolled all up on me all gangsta-like and I capped him.

Excuses are probably the number one reason why I never decided to take the plunge and get back in shape. "I'm not even in good enough shape to start." "What if I get laughed at in the gym?" "Do these Adidas shorts make my butt look big?" "I'll just 'watch what I eat' and I'm sure it'll be fine." There are a million reasons NOT to go work out. And then there are two million reasons NOT to continue working out after you start. I can't even tell you how sore I am at the moment. And sure, I could go all nerdy on you and tell you that the lactic acid build up is completely normal and that working out will help break some of that up and so I should go to the gym. But really, I just want to crawl up in the fetal position, get a bowl of ice cream, and watch a sad movie (like Old Yeller. Get it? Killing dogs...inappropriate, I'm sorry.)

Whereas there are a billion reasons not to work out, there's really only one reason you and I SHOULD go work out. If you don't, then you're still just a Fatty. And being a Fatty sucks. And the straw that broke the camel's back (how dumb of a phrase is that?), the thing that made me start this journey, the fact that I want to be around and not A ROUND for my son and daughter's weddings, or want to beat the snot out of Dad at the bridge run, or just want to be healthy and make that lifestyle change my body has been screaming for...all those reasons are so much better than that stupid dog that gobbled up your history paper.

So, let's get it out in the open. Start posting all the excuses you've ever made in the comments section. Air it out on my blog. And before I post again, I'm printing out all the excuses you guys have written down, putting them in a metal trash can, and doing a fire dance in my underwear in the backyard (don't judge me), burning them for you, so that you and I can never use those dumb excuses again.


  1. Nice entry, Andrew. Glad to see you're fighting fat with fire.

    I lost my weight mainly by cutting calories and changing my diet, but now that I've lost it, I've started to work out to rebuild some of the muscle I lost with the gobs of gooey fat. I work out at the school where I teach, which has lots of equipment. I work out about three times a week during my planning period at the end of the day. My biggest excuse is "I need to plan for class" (or "I need to grade papers"). Sometimes it's valid, but sometimes I just end up goofing off for 45 minutes.

    Burn it, Andrew. Burn my excuse(s)!

  2. Dude...would be honored to burn them for you. I'll throw in a couple secret moves during the fire dance (copyright Andrew Jones 2012). :)

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  4. Scenario. Fix a bowl of ice cream. No, make that BIG bowl of ice cream. It's time to watch The Biggest Loser. It's time to BE INSPIRED! But the shows over and that inspiration is gone about as quick as the ice cream melted or more truthfully as quick as I inhaled it before it could melt.

    The excuse? Waiting for that ONE inspirational story that would be THE ONE that would make THE DIFFERENCE. I get inspired by others. And I get inspired by storys. But I don't have to wait on them to be the catalyst for change, REAL CHANGE, in my life anymore. It's like the alcoholic who finally sees the light and gives up the drinking and finds sobriety a really good thing and says, "Dude, if I had known living sober could've been this much fun, I would've quit drinking a long time ago!" Living the life of a drunk is hard work. And living the life of a self-willed unhealthy person is hard work. It ain't fun.

    I hear ya, T. Cook. My excuse(s), Andrew? Set it ablaze. Get a fire permit first, but burn 'em all!

  5. I'm exhausted. I need to sleep in.
    I can work off that cream filled donut later.
    My body is craving this food. (Sincerely believed that but found out later that it is just not so. C'mon, did God really make my body to crave Carolina pulled pork with rice, hash, mac and cheese, squishy white bread, and sweet tea?)

    1. I hear ya on the craving thing, Greg. My body often "craves" Krispy Kreme donuts. Will be happy to burn these up for you.

  6. Several years ago I joined a gym that provided child care. I exercised every weekday morning no matter what and worked with a personal trainer two of those days. Then the gym closed and I could never find another situation as ideal. I had a treadmill and some gear at home, but for a very long time my excuse has been not having a good time of day (or night) to do it. Seemed like no matter how early I got up or how late I stayed up, either my kids or my husband were demanding my attention, or I had other pressing things to do, or I was just too darn tired. I've finally burned my excuses and gotten back in the saddle, but there are definitely days where I find myself saying "I'm just too tired." Most of the time I do it anyway. I still really wish for the gym scenario so I could work with a personal trainer again. I'm just not equipped with gear or knowledge to get the results I've gotten before.